My past... and my future.

So, I've been working on "me" a lot lately through a bible study at my church called "Grace Group".

"Grace Group" is a group of women who have been victimized by sexual assault.  I am a woman who was sexually abused as a child.  And no, I don't want you to feel sorry for me.  I want to explain how I feel.

I don't think about my abuse everyday.  I also like to internalize my feelings.  But I know God has a bigger plan for me.  Before coming to Vintage 21 church, I thought this abused occurred for a reason.  And that God had a reason.

But now I know through his redemption God did not want this abuse to happen.  He did, however, take something so ugly and painful and bless my life.  The man who abused me was evil.  This is Satan's work in this world.  God took this abuse and went on to make my life beautiful and show me His love.  God was with me all along.  He never left.

I can't look at my children's smiley faces everyday and say "woes me".  These children were miraculous gifts from God.   God has bigger plans for me.  My heart is full of love from my amazing family.  Now I want to go forth and expand that family!

Coffee and Family..

First of all, I'm not a blogger.  But I have so many ideas in my head these days I thought it was time to share them with the world.  My heart is huge, but things don't always come across the way I want them to.

My family is of utmost priority to me.  If you would have told me five years ago when I married my husband I would have two amazing little boys and a picket (albeit contemporary picket) fence, I would have laughed.  My husband and I have gone through a lot in those five years.  I have been hurt by those I love, I have hurt those I love, but through it all, my husband has been my rock.  I feel that now we are in the best place we have ever been.  And that is because we found an amazing church home.  It's truly amazing what God provides.

Which is why I wanted to start a blog.  I am thinking about what the next five years has in store.  God has led my husband and I to consider expanding our family through adoption.  Adoption you say?  Yes!  We are healthy, fertile people who can get pregnant very easily.  I have easy pregnancies, love home birthing, and still want to adopt.  So why adoption?

We are going to be asked this a lot in the next year as we embark on this journey.  We are going to be asked why we want to adopt an african american baby from Uganda.  We are going to get looks, and deal with prejudice.  But through it all, it's not going to matter.  We want to bring home a child, love them endlessly, and provide them with a stable life.  Our hearts are huge.  In the next five years I want to have adopted, and will probably be pregnant again planning yet another home birth.  Why?  Because God calls us all to adopt.  We were orphans, and He adopted us as His sons and daughters.  Now, I want to work on that daughter.